December 22, 2011 E-blast to family and friends.
A year ago, this time, I learned that I had been accepted for an international volunteer placement with CUSO/VSO in the Dornod province of Mongolia. I was ecstatic! After all, I innately knew that I was supposed to be in Mongolia. Why? Honestly, at the time, I did not know the specifics as to why. What I did know was that I was beginning to trust my sense of self/knowing again . . . so accepted the position.
As a result, in late January I traveled to Ottawa for an intensive training program with CUSO. Immediately following the training, the other 30 plus North Americans actually went home for one to three months before departing for their volunteer placement. As for me, I left for Mongolia directly from Ottawa.
And now, it is a year later and I am preparing to leave Mongolia on January 30th – less than five weeks from now. Yes, the wheels of change are definitely turning. They are spinning with such rapidity and yet (there are moments) it feels like time is standing still.
Today is December 22, 2011 – Winter Solstice (my most favorite day of the year) - a day, for which I try to take a moment or two to contemplate life and all its many wonders. So after a board meeting at the APDC where, with a smile on my face, I observed the once tentative coordinator give an update on her recent meetings in Ulaanbaatar with not one but three different national Ministries regarding the creation of development center for children with disabilities in Dornod - I took the long way home.
Overall, the streets were quiet. Its cold outside so folks are settling in for the winter. According to ancient Mongolian traditions, today is the first day of nine groups of nine days (81 in total) of winter - each day colder than the one before - hard to imagine since it is already -30 degrees (not including the wind chill). And yet, as I walked, I was comfortable; perhaps because I have learned to dress for the occasion – two pairs of leggings, wool socks, lined boots, a long-sleeved undershirt, (back brace, of course), wool sweater, neck scarf, coat, 2nd neck scarf (this time yak wool), hat, hood and mittens. I walked on.
A short distance from my apartment there was a large make-shift skating rink where the brave (youth of course) were skating with Mongolian traditional music playing in the background. I was reminded of the beauty of simplicity and the strength of those who are able to create personal richness particularly when they have little material wealth.
As I climbed the stairs to my apartment in the dark I thought about how I have become familiar/comfortable with my surroundings. The cadence of a drunk’s walk, the rhythm of a pack of dogs searching for food, the delight of a child’s face (partially hidden behind her/his winter clothes) sliding across the icy road, the aye-inspiring richness of a Mongolian tenor’s voice, the depth of power in the Lamas’ prayers, the beauty of vastness of the eastern steppes and the endless stars in the clear night skies. Yes, Mongolia, Choibalsan in particular has become my home for this time in space. I am truly thankful for the opportunity to have come to Mongolia.
Earlier this week, I stopped at the local Yellow Sect Buddhist temple. It was a very auspicious day. Hundreds of people were at the temple praying and partaking in the activities. It was definitely no ordinary day. On a typical day, there are no more than 20 people in the temple at any given time; rotating through like cogs on a perpetual prayer wheel. All in all, things are normally quiet; except for the occasional mobile phone and chanting of the Lamas. But on this day, it was different.
I was curious about all that was going on around me. With “soft eyes” (partially opened/closed eyes), I observed a young Lam standing before the main alter; between two long rows of Lamas seated and chanting. The young Lam had colorful ribbons (long scarfs) extended from his robe at the base of his neck. People were encouraged to enter the space with this young Lam and to extend the ribbons from his body outwards so all that wanted to could touch one of the ribbons. As I watch the ceremony, I found myself focusing on the red ribbon . . . the ribbon that was directly in front of where I was sitting. Later, I learned the color “red” signifies “blessings of practice” (achievement, wisdom, virtue, fortune and dignity). It was exactly what I needed to know.
Days leading up to that moment at the Temple I struggled with the realization that I was leaving Mongolia. There was so much yet to be done. There was still money to be raised and training to be provided. Yes, I understood that a lot had been accomplished, particularly around the advocacy work but it was also clear that there would be many challenges ahead for the Association - particularly since 2012 will be an election year and politics are “politics” no matter where you are in the world.
I was also struggling with the reality of going back to the States. Don’t get me wrong; I really, really miss my family (particularly my granddaughters) and dear, dear friends. Any yet, thoughts of self-doubt; what would I do when I got back; where would I work/live; how would I deal with the “norm” the “predictable” after working abroad, etc. I was not sleeping.
And then, as I sat among the masses in Temple, I experienced a true sense of complete content – a feeling of peace surrounded me. I understood that “being present” in that moment (and every moment) is what truly matters – an understanding of what it means to “be.” And, that regardless of what did/did not happen, everything would be fine – it would what it was meant to be. My whole body exhaled and I have been smiling ever since. :>)
That is not to say I have any of the answers . . . heck, I don’t even know most of the questions . . . and I am okay with that.
So here I sit, writing what may be my last blog entry while in Mongolia and wouldn’t you know, when I sat down to write, Stephen Hawking’s, “History of Time and the Universe” came on the Discovery Channel (one of three English channels – the other two are BBC World News and Fashion TV. . . admittedly I watch all three). As I listened to Hawkings talk about the universe, I decided to look online to look for a quote from him and sure enough, there were several I liked – such as:
"The boundary condition of the universe is that it has no boundary." The universe would be completely self-contained and not affected by anything outside itself. It would neither be created nor destroyed. It would just BE.”
“The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance; it is the illusion of knowledge.”
And of course . . .
“. . . remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet . . . if you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is there and don't throw it away.” ― Stephen Hawking
Personally, I believe that that last statement is true for all forms of love – unconditional love - not just between partners but love between mothers and sons; sons and daughters, sisters and brothers . . . the list is expansive; without boundaries – like the universe.
So, what is next?
Well, on February 6th I will be returning to Connecticut. My last day at the APDC in Dornod will be January 2oth. From there I fly to Ulaanbaatar for “out processing” and then leave Mongolia on January 30th – the day my VISA expires. I opted for “cash in lieu” - an option to receive a flat amount of money for travel in lieu of CUSO/VSO making direct flight arrangements for a volunteer. I choose to take the “cash in lieu” so that I could enjoy a bit of warmth and relaxation before heading home.
I have not taking any vacation since I arrived in Mongolia and it has taken a toll on my body. Which reminds me, I should warn you not be shocked when you see that I have gained some weight (thanks to Mongolia’s all carb and fatty meat diet); plus, I have (literally) lost at least 25% of my hair (I am told) due to the high mineral content in the water. So don’t be shocked . . . there are remedies for both conditions (LOL).
Anyway, before heading back to Connecticut, I am going to take a bit of a detour and revel in the blue skies and waters, sandy beaches and cool nights along the shores of Oahu. The only costs I will have is accommodations (cannot beat that). After a brief stay I will be back on the mainland.
To my family and friends in the States – I miss you and will see you soon; and to my new friends in Mongolia and those volunteers who have returned to their home countries – I will keep you in my heart and prayers always.
Shin Jill (Happy New Years!) – Deb (aka Mom to my children)
The following are photos from the APDC's children's Shin Jill . . .
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